Monday, July 25, 2005

Sweet Memories

In The beginning 2001
Year One 2002Year Two 2003
Year Three 2004
Working On Year Four 2005
It's officially been 3 years now that we've been married, and this early morning I surrendered to the call to blog.

What a strange and wild ride life is. Things can change so drastically in such a short period of time. There are highs and lows, but it the unexpected and unanticipated journeys that are the sweetest. Five years ago, I could have never guessed that I would be where I am today. Sometimes I have to sit and just be thankful that I made blind decidsions that scared the hell out of me at the time, but turned out to be the best calls of my life. I never dreamed that would meet the man of my soul, as a goofy coffee shop acquaintance who would encourage me and kick my ass in to action, recovery and rediscovery.

It really does seem to have been destiny or God, that brought us together at the right time (even thought it seemed like the wrong time) at the right place, when we need each other, and were ready for it to happen. If it began any earlier, it would have been doomed. If it had happened much later, we both would have been to jaded and perhaps scarred make it work.

Life will never be perfect, the will always be bills, housework, and other miscellaneous things that will throw you curve balls, but right now I couldn't be any happier. I've got the one person who really gets me and he has promised to spend the rest of his life with me. The day he asked me to marry him I knew he meant every word he said, and the day we took our vows only reaffirmed what our hearts had been saying all along.

My eye lids are drooping, but my fingers keep moving and my ass remains firmly planted in this seat.

There is a Willie Nelson song that goes something like, "Lord, what can you do to me now", and that's sort of how I've been feeling lately. My grandpa died about 2 weeks ago,and it seems to have been down hill from there. I've had my minivan towed 3 times, and it suppose to be our "good" car. First I got one wheel stuck in the ditch off our driveway. Then it just stopped running as I was driving down a nice deserted road, that I'm not familiar with and my phone battery was almost dead, coming to a complete stop in front of an intersection (we had it towed home), then it was towed from home after we discovered that we proublely didn't want to try to do fix it ourselves. My family's was in town for the funeral, they stayed a week, and thankfully have gone home before anyone's feelings were to badly damanged. The highlight of the month - a had a good sized closing (my largest single pay check so far), the negative side, is it all going to bills, at least 1200 of which were racked up since July 1st. On top of it all I get the joyous job of ferreting out all my grandfathers secrets, before its too late to unravel it all. He was a very defensive, conniving, secretive man (sorry I'm a bit bitter today). While I am complaining, I did volunteer because I wanted know what really went on the last 7 years especially. I guess it sould be a lesson to us all. Nothing is so bad or shameful that you can't share it with your spouse, if you love each other. If it is then you are in the wrong relationship and should leave quickly, before you distroy them and your self. Fucking Bastard.

Tap, tap, tap goes the hammer

Been goofing around tonight with blog settings, templates, photo posting and general editing on my other blog. Found a few cool settings and fixed some stuff. I started out mostly trying to fix my user pic. Ya see, I originally posted it to my blog, so I could have a URL to link it to to set it up. But it was on my poetry blog, which I really only wanted to have my poetry as far as postings. Besides, the pic was too big and was causing the page to load slower for those poor pathetic souls with slower connections. I forgot that all my pics at flickr had URLs. So I got that fixed.
Now I need to go do a cigarette run.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

And now . . . 24-25


Can You Tell I Am Drunk
Originally uploaded by javaverses.

At 21


Brandy's Henna Tattoo
Originally uploaded by javaverses.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Getting Old . . . er

I'll be 25 on Monday. I didn't think it would bother me till I started thinking about it today. I was sitting at the mall kiosk watching all these 15-19 year olds flirt, and shop, and generally act carefree, and it hit me, that will never be me again. The closest I will ever come to it will be when my boys reach that age, and I will be close to forty then. Its just a little depressing to watch theses perfect bodies walking all around you, thinking, my stomach will never be that flat again (with out plastic surgery), and my skin never that flawless, and everything else that generally perfect. Really, I am not that vain, I know that its only natural to age and all that shit. I don't regret having children, even though it changed my body in ways that can never be reversed. But sometimes, I just wish I could have a few moments of my youth back. --- So anyways, I'm sitting there in a daze thinking about all this & my impending birthday when this young guy walks up and says "how's it going today". Distracted I automatically replied "fine" thinking he was just some teenage shopper, until I turned around and realized he was my replacement. Now, I am tied with one other girl in my office as the youngest agent currently working there. You have to be 18 to get a license, and the average age to start real estate is mid 30's, with the average age of most Realtors being 45+. So being 24, with close to a year in the business is pretty young for most. This guy didn't look a day over 17, if that. Well, we got to talking I found out he is 21, and got his license at 18. I asked him how he dealt with the age issue, knowing he did have some help because his mom is a well established Realtor. He said most of the time he did encounter some hesitation, because of his age, but the dealt with it with knowledge and confidence. Yada yada that's cool what ever, Mr. Silver spoon. Then he said you must have it easier. Now I really don't know what he meant by that. I took it to mean that I look older. But how fucking old can I look to a 21 year old? I mean no, I realize I don't look adolescent any more, those days are over. Most of the time I don't get carded anymore, and when I do they are just doing to be nice or to verify its my credit card. But Fucking-A, that made me feel as though I were turning 35, not 25. So I've always believed that you are only as old as you feel, and today I feel fucking old!