I didn't start out tired . . .
My life, my blog
Monday, July 28, 2008
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Another kind of anniversary
September 15th 2001 I made what, even to this day 5 years later, was the hardest decision of my life. Four days after the world trade center attack, when the entire nation was still in shock, and everyone ( I believe) was beginning to reevaluate what was important in their life, I made the decision to leave my husband of 3 1/2 years. I feel tonight as though I must write about it and not let this date go unmarked. September 11th, I'm sorry to say, changed my life for the better, although I feel an overwhelming sadness in thinking that so many suffered and died, it woke us all up. As it was that night, tonight I sit typing late into the night unable to sleep, but thankful for different reasons. Tonight is the night I have to say once again, John I love you and thank you for taking me as I am and loving me in return, and for giving me more than I ever knew I needed in the form of two energetic boys.
I also want to send this thought out into space ... Casey, wherever you are, what ever you are doing now, I still love you for all the things that made you, you. I want you to have happiness and family, health and real lasting love. I cannot hear Depech Mode, Front 242, or Information Society without thinking of you. I wonder often how you are doing, if you are happy, and if you have forgiven me for hurting you. I hope you know now, and understand that it was not something I wanted to do, to hurt you. I told you then, that one day you would understand, I hope that this is true. I hope you can think of me fondly, as I do of you now. We had many issues of which I will not speak, but most had more to do with youth and incompatibility and outside expectations. You were a good friend and a good man, I hope you still are.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Learning to see
I should be sleeping, but I just got Rowan back in bed. He had a night terror, you know the ones like nightmares except they don't wake up from them. I hate those because its hard to soothe when they really aren’t even with you, and if you try to truly wake him, it makes it worst. Sometime because his eyes might be open you might think he's are awake and just scared, but he's not. He cries and cough that scared crying hiccupy cough, and I'll think that he just has a dry throat, but then I get him water and he doesn't see it, pushes it away, doesn't want it. So I hold him, he struggles at first, but soon he settles down and we rock. 5-10 minutes later he's relaxed under my cheek his breathing is clam and normal again, and I am left just thinking.
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